Tutus are another thing I make and offer in all kinds of color combinations and sizes! Pictured below is my little girl, Addalynn, wearing a pink carnation Tutu Dress. It is made to be worn under the arms rather than around the waste.
I guess Addalynn isn't so little anymore, and neither is Kody, my son. They were both born early; Addalynn was ten weeks early and Kody was six weeks early. I assume Kody would have been quite a chunky baby since he was born weighing 5lbs 12oz and was 18 3/4 inches tall even with being a preemie. Addalynn, however, was my little one. She weighed 3 pounds even and was 14 1/2 inches tall.
I sit here and reflect on the beginning of my journey to becoming a mom. I imagined getting pregnant, having the routine normal pregnancy and delivery, and coming home to be a family. Obviously, it didn't work out that way. My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage. I was very guarded when I conceived again 8 months later. I started getting excited when I made it through the first trimester!! Then, around 22 weeks or so I would have occasional cramping or spotting, nothing major. I would go see the doctor and be reassured that all was well. Something told me to get ready for a preemie, though. I don't know how, but I just knew. Some say that was negativity and bad energy trying to get to me, but I call it a way of helping me be prepared. I did all the research I could on preemies: birth weights, preemie conditions, NICUs, how to care for a preemie, possible setbacks, you name it, I studied it! I was right, too. At 27 weeks I went to get a prescription filled and since I had been having major swelling in my feet and ankles and starting to in my hands I asked them to check my blood pressure. It was 156/111. I was sent to the Emergency Room and then straight to Macon, GA where I waited for three weeks before delivering my little princess. I was constantly filled with BP meds and vitamins.. antibiotics.. steroids. I was swollen so bad my skin was weeping. It was worth it. They took Addalynn to another hopsital and I didn't see her for two days but when I did, the feeling was indescribable. It set it. That was MY baby girl. I would die for her.
After I took all that in, though. I started seeing all the tubes and wires. I could barely hold her without being tangled up. She was so fragile. I was blessed that she was alive. Over the course of six weeks we weaned her off the ventillator, feeding tube, and oxygen. She came home on February 6, which is two years ago today!
So, I am thankful for my daughter and for everything she taught me. She taught me to love deeply, live with my heart and arms wide open, and never take a moment for granted. She taught me forgiveness and appreciation.
One of the biggest things, though, that helped me through it all was the compassion, love, and support from others. Even on Christmas Eve, Santa came and delivered little gifts to every baby no matter how small. It brought me to tears. All those preemies were remembered and treated like nothing was wrong and nothing bad was going to happen. Blanketes were given to the babies, hand crocheted, to keep warm with. Even I was given a blanket for myself. Kind words, hugs, and little hats and trinkets made all the difference. I was acknowledged. I didn't feel alone. It made me feel good to know someone had faith in my baby girl.. that she would pull through and go home.
I noticed that some of those children never had a visitor. Maybe family didn't want to get too attached in fear of losing the little one. Maybe it was all too much. Yes, it is hard, but they are children nonetheless and the need all the extra love and care. They need someone by their side, a hug, a kiss, words of encouragement just like we do when we are down.
So in the end, it is a bittersweet experience. The beginning comes with fear, confusion, and worry, but turns into something so beautiful. Someone so small and so easily broken blossoms into a strong, smart, amazing child no different than any other. We used to get questions all the time about Addalynn being small.. like "Was she a preemie?".. "How much did she weigh?"... "How early was she?". Now, no one asks because no one can even tell. It's our little secret. I wear my preemie experience proudly. I wear it as a badge. We made it through with greater faith and love than ever before and my child is strong and healthy. I was there for her and she was there for me. She always had little ways of letting me know everything was okay. Sure, I would have loved if everything was fine and she was full term, but the cards didn't fall that way. . I am greeting each day with a smile and a hug from her.
I want to take part of my sales from my boutique as well as my photography and donate it to families in need at the Ronald McDonald house we stayed in as well as other families with preemies in the NICU. Our NICU experience happened during the worst time for us financially and I know that every little thing counts; even when it's just a kind word or a little gift.
